Well, it's been awhile and I've been a few places, done a few things, seen a few people. It was fun and now I'm back, I'm feeling completely underwhelmed by my situation. My motivation is possibly the lowest that it has ever been, possibly ever. I stay away laying in bed at night, conflicted and full of negative emotions.
Why is this? - Multiple reasons I guess.
Having just been with my parents for two or so weeks, I'm missing them and home in general. What confuses me about this perhaps is that I'm missing them much more than when I first left. Seeing them off at the airport was much harder for me than it was last time, and given the expression on my mother's face, she probably felt the same. I've had people tell me off for the homesick feelings before, and remind me of the great situation I'm in. I know they're right, I know I should toughen up, put on that smiley face and go live the shit out of life, but right now I'm just not feeling it. I don't think I've ever been good at picking myself up out of low moods/feelings, and this time around seems no different.
Another reason is that right now, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't really want to study via the university this semester, but finding a job/work has been pretty unsuccessful. Even looking at finding teaching jobs, I only seem to be finding organisations that, when researched online, are described as being false, cheating, fraudulent, so on and so forth. This has been disheartening. It's also been a reminder of wasted time back in Perth when I could have studied and gotten a TEFL/TOEFL/CELTA qualification, which would have been useful now.
Thirdly, I'm running out of time. Re-enrollment at the university closes on the 20th, 7 days away from now. Should I decide I DO want to study at the University, then I'll need to organise the appropriate forms and fees inside that time.
Further complicating issues are... as of the 16th I'll be couch surfing till the end of the month. I've only just realised how close the 16th is... not so great. The reason I'm in this situation is because when you buy a semester of accommodation at the university dorms, it doesn't actually last a semester. It lasts almost a semester, at which time you either have to buy for another full-ish semester, or pay at a massivly inflated rate (20 kuai per night goes up to 80 or 100 I believe). Maybe I've already complained about this, so I won't go on about it except to say it doesn't surprise me anymore.
At the end of the month, I should be moving into an apartment. This ties in with all my other worries and concerns as we struggle to get a 3rd housemate in to the place to share rent, get various broken things in the apartment fixed before they're my liability and so on.
Oh, and my residence permit expires on the 28th of Febuary. This needs to be ironed out either through me getting a job that provides a work visa or through re-enrolling at university.
Ugh, writing all this has not helped my situation, or my mood.
It's my birthday in 11 days. I'll be 23. Not entirely thrilled about being another year older either.
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I think you should come home. You can always go back to China, trust me China is not going anywhere.
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