So, something new is a foot. Most of you probably already know by now, but for those who don’t, I’ve been home for about a week now.
Home, you say? Yeah, Home home. Perth home. And damn it feels good.
So there’s people around asking questions (*shakes fist* damn you people) like ‘But why Liam? Why return when you’re so totally awesome that you can succeed at anything everywhere and anywhere on the globe!?’. Okay maybe I embellished that question, but the basic jist of ‘Why?’ is true, and fair enough – it’s a good question. Originally plans had me spending two years in China, perhaps coming home after one year for a holiday. So why am I back after 8 months?
There’s a long answer and a short answer. The short answer is that I was simply unhappy in Chengdu, and had had enough (I always feels weird about using that double ‘had’ – it’s natural enough in speaking but strange on paper…).
The long answer is longer (hur-durrrrrrrrrrr) and a bit more complex. Why was I unhappy? Why did I think returning to Australia would help? Why didn’t I ‘tough it out’ and stay longer? So on and so forth.
I guess that I’ll first look at why I was unhappy in Chengdu. There’s many different elements to this, but I think that possibly the most important was that I didn’t feel like I had good friends. There were people that I could hang out with, crack jokes, shoot the shit etc, but good friends? Not so much. And this actually got me really down. I felt like I didn’t have anyone around me who I shared common interests with. Obviously that’s not quite true – we shared enough to talk shit - but I think you’re getting my point.
Moving on, I moved into an apartment with a person I really shouldn’t have. We used to on and off argue, despite being friends, and it could get pretty heated at times. Why did I move in with this person when there were already warning bells before we were living together? Guilt, essentially. I felt that I couldn’t back out after giving my word that I would move in. Ironically, I would obviously bail later to come back to Australia (yey) anyway, leaving that person pissed off. Anyway, lesson learned – if you’re occasionally fighting before you move in, FFS DO NOT MOVE IN.
Okay, the weather also shat me. I knew it was going to be cloudy and shit, but I had no idea that I’d ever miss the sun/sky as much as I did while living in Chengdu. Basically, in my ~8 months there, I think I saw clear-ish blue skies on less than 5 days. The rest was a grey overcast. Sometimes there were variations in that grey overcast sky (Oh look, the sun is an angry red orb instead of the normal dim struggling lightbulb) but it was still, in the end, a grey overcast sky. And it got me down.
I’m not sure where this started, but I was increasingly losing interest in learning Chinese, and interacting with Chinese people. That sounds terrible and it kind of is – the people part I mean – but it’s true. I guess… maybe some sort of ‘culture-fatigue’ set in? I was only seeing/noticing the stuff that happened that annoyed me – people spitting everywhere and crapping their babies on the street/sidewalk/anywhere in particular. I’m serious, by the way. Kid needs to go potty? Yeah, let’s just have the kid take a dump on the sidewalk. No, let’s not clean it up in any way, shape or form. I’m not actually sure that I ever stepped on a human dump while in China, but my god, the chance that I might? Really pissed me off.
Anyway, I’d better post this now or I’ll leave it untouched and unfulfilled for another 2 weeks.
